There is superstition
I originally wrote this in 09 on Ground Hogs day.. Forgive me for I cannot recall why..Please feel free to knock on wood.. Notes on superstitious behaviors The belief that hibernating creatures can predict the arrival of spring was brought to North America by German immigrants in the 18th century. They figured that somehow the lowly “'groundhog'”, aka- dirtusrodentius, gravelcaninus, (sandwich spread in some Asian municipalities), or in other parts of the known world, the common variegated house weasel. Note, contrary to popular mythology it was NOT the *Scottish people that started this stuff (they get blamed for everything and rightly so), they held the humble but firm belief that if a sheep were to been seen scratching at the ground, truffles could be found near by or mating season twas around the corner, or your golf ball would be found elsewhere, or the tavern was open for business…… (They drink a lot of really strong stuff over there)…I digress Back to our story. Some other furry forecasters include Saskatchewan’s Snewsie, who is not technically a groundhog, but a gopher from Moose Jaw, and Watson Willow. For some reason I have found that Canadians are contrarians by nature, they just do not like to go with the program, they like to make a lot of stuff up as they go along! (they also like to creatively weld non-ferrous metals together creating interesting things that never existed before and give them names such as trailers). *Dear readers please note, these same people enjoy watching beer shoot out of nostrils as they try to polka I’ve got an idea here goes. We could lend them a groundhog or three just for fun occasions such as these! All we would ask is that they make sure the animals are returned in said good and re-useable condition. I have heard from very reliable sources that the good Canadians as well as the bad ones put animals into some kind of barrel for amusement purposes, usually in mid winter, it is said they used to employ humans in this bizarre spectacle…. News Just in - ‘The frozen Prozac nation’ brought to you by me…. 'Prozac Peg' the local gopher up in Winnipeg Canada (known for fetching six Pac’s and ciggs for the guys at the logging camp), has refused to emerge from her tent today. This does not bode well for the many anxious people in the community. What a crock of shit… PS, the name of the city where this insane non- sensical behavior takes place in the US is rightly named “Gobbler's Knob”, I am not making this up! There is even a web-site dedicated to this activity with corporate sponsors, teachers corners (ouch), a club one can join including a newsletter, media events….the list goes on ad-naseum …..and you (tender hearted reader/consumer) wonder why we are in the shape we are in regarding education? Now the first thing that comes to this dudes mind is a porno film I watched at my bachelor’s party while being extremely intoxicated, I think it was called ‘Gobbling knob’, this was no dream my friends, the star was a liberated lovely and she gobbled a knob in good efficient fashion. This was the first time I had heard the term facial used in a manner that made perfectly logical sense to me. Fast forward…. Speaking of lap dances, I had heard how enjoyable these are so I asked my lady-friend at the time if she had the poise, agility and general all around good sense of humor that would allow her to perform such aerobics without being mortified afterwards. With the help of my personal friend Ben Franklin she agreed to a ½ hour lesson at the local motel down the road. I set a time and a date with her manager Spike…………………….….. THE SCENE A LOCAL MOTEL TO REMAIN NAMELESS She (my liberated lovely) decided that some music would help everyone get in the mood, I seem to recall it was Tina Turner’s hit song “private dancer” ironic no?, oh what fun we are going to have tonight..bring it on woman (I hope it’s a woman what with all of the dressing up and new makeup they have it’s sort of hard to tell unless one looks under the skirt)!Now the way that my doctor explained it to me is when the body experiences shock that is too much for the mind/body connection to handle, a tremendous release of neurotransmitters from the brain surges into action, (basically these little rascals of the chemical realm induce a sort of catatonic state of affaires upon said victim from the resulting trauma), which in this case was the direct effect of my little Ginger Rogers wearing high heeled shoes as she merrily and most joyfully danced her way across my tender lap while the most talented Tina sang along! Ouch! little did Moi know the ever tender and inviting Ginger was supposed to be dancing with her adorable little fanny rubbing and gyrating against my eager and noble roman pillar of man-hood …you get the picture,. To this day I will not date past the first date any woman insisting upon wearing pointy toed stiletto heel style pumps, especially one who likes to listen to Tina Turner. On Christ, Rocks, and how they Roll So the way I figure it when Easter ( they next big holiday) comes around, Jesus rolls the rock away and see’s the shadows of the angry Roman Solders…we are then in for a good 2000 + years of Christianity… I trust God has a sense of humor, (see armadillo, ostrich, pygmies, basketball forwards ).